what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
