I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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