Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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