he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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