Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
