just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
