Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
