Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
