His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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