the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
