Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
