I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
