that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
