if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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