I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
