Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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