Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
