He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
