when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize