hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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