life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
