Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
