I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
