Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
