her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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