I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
