I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
