Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
