I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
