It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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