He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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