i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
