ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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