I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
