Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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