Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize