better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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