There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
