he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
