Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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