so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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