Where did you get a picture of my penis
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
