I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
