If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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