Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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