Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
