im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
