please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
