I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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