So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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