a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
