if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
