Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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