i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
