like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
