I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
