Don't make out with my wife yet
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
