I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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