He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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