shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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