Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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