After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
