i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
