You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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