You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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