i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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