Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
accomplished twins. life is a go
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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