Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i already hear my dad disowning me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
