My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
