She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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