i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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