Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
