hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
