I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
