I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
